Today is Father’s Day, so I want to spend a minute here thanking my dad for a few of the many things he’s done to help me be a better Eventual Ukulele Superstar and human being:

1. He has encouraged me to be myself and find my niche in life. Since I’m not particularly good at math or the stock market and am re-he-heally not cut out for a cubicle, my dad always knew that I’d probably have to rely on my creative efforts to carve out my survival path, especially after it turned out I wasn’t entirely cut out for the military (like a piece of granite isn’t cut out to be a sandwich). From “You can blog for small businesses!” to “You can write a song about  cheese! Cheeses of the WORLD!” my dad’s voice has been echoing in my ear to value all the little things I like to create, and make them count. Which brings me to …

2. He hasn’t disowned me for any of my lyrics. I write songs like, “I’d Rather Be High (Than An Asshole)” and “I Don’t Want To Have A Baby,” which my dad’s friends from church have probably heard by now, and incredibly, he is still a fan. I even used the cigar-box ukulele he gave me as a graduation gift to play “P0RN!” at the Sweetwater Music Hall on graduation night, and he stood proudly in the audience as I crooned, “There’s a happy ending …”  In the words of one of the most brilliant marketing campaigns of my lifetime, that is priceless.

3. He makes sure I am not a starving artist. On my parents’ recent visit to the Bay Area, they stayed nearby, in a vacation rental house. They stocked up the fridge with food, and when they left (after 10 days), most of the food remained – in my house. Whether it’s homemade sauce and meatballs and infused olive oil (because we are good Italian-Americans) or some fresh green veggies to throw in the blender (“So you’ll be regular!”), he and my mom have made sure I am not hungry, long past the time when they could be held accountable for that by state authorities. For that I am grateful, and a much more effective person in general.

4. He sells my CDs to his friends. That’s all I need to say about that.

5. He treats my mom with love and respect. I am one of the few lucky ones in this day and age with a set of happily married parents, and I know that is due to the fact that they are pretty damn good to one another. They set an excellent example for my dear man and I to follow … other than the fact that if either of us drank as much coffee as my dad does, we’d probably explode. None of us are perfect, but if anyone embodies the philosophy of “Try Not To Be A Dick,” it’s my folks, who have taught me the value of, whenever possible, just trying to be nice to people. And if they are a dick back to you? “Well, we’re sorry you’re having a bad day.”

Thanks Dad (and Mom), for being the kind of parents that your daughter gets up early on a Sunday to write about. I love the hell out of you, even though you don’t necessarily approve of that language, and I am grateful for you. Happy Father’s Day.

Recorded by Terry Lapointe, 5.18.2013, Sweetwater Music Hall, Mill Valley CA.

https://archive.org/details/EmilyYatesSweetwater5182013

Lyrics:

You might be from Texas
you might be from Tennessee
You might be from way up north
in the Yukon Territ’ry
You might be from London or
you might be from Peru
It doesn’t matter where you’re from
You all like to watch people screw

Pooooooorn
It’s a unifier
Poooorn
Can’t identify ‘er
Poooooo- ooooo- oooorn
Everyone likes porn

You might have grown up thinking it was only for your dad
Or maybe in a church where they told you it was bad
Maybe you’ve been taught that that’s just not what nice girls do
But now that you’re all grown my friend,
I don’t see a thing stopping you

Pooooooorn
There’s a happy ending
Poooorn
Look at how they’re bending
Poooooo- ooooo- oooorn
Everyone likes porn

It can be for special times when you are with your mate
It can even be the end of a magical first date
It can be for holidays or when you’re feeling blue
It can be for every day, hell I don’t give a shit what you do

Pooooooorn
Might be degrading
Poooorn
But I’m not hating
Pooooooorn
It’s an honest living
Pooooooorn
So let’s be forgiving
Poooooo- ooooo- oooorn
Everyone likes porn

In honor of the hippie holiday, here’s a song I wrote about using marijuana to help me be a nice person.

Click here to hear/buy my song “Smoke Break,” just released on the Warrior Songs “Story to Song” project! Your purchase helps to fund Warrior Songs, which paid for the recording of this and other veterans’ songs.

Thank you all for your support of my music and my activism against the wars our government starts without caring about the human toll they take. No matter who’s dropping them, bombs fuck people up. So I’d much rather drop records.

This song is dedicated to all my smoke break buddies during six years in the Army, and to my incredibly inspiring family in Iraq Veterans Against the War and Warrior Writers, especially Lovella Calica, Jenny Pacanowski and Maggie Martin for creating the space in which this song was written.

Featuring Rachel Colwell on violin.
Recorded and engineered by Charlie Wilson at Sonic Zen Records in Berkeley, CA.

Get ya some Emily Yates Radio on Pandora, and share it around!

With no rehearsals, Snail Trail and Emily Yates, Eventual Ukulele Superstar, have joined forces to bring you the first-ever all-ovaries version of “Try Not To Be A Dick!” Live at Peri’s Bar in Fairfax CA, on St. Patrick’s/Try Not To Be A Dick Day, 2013 – two years to the day after the original video was released. Looking forward to the next two years!

Here are some recently-added shows – for more details and full schedule of dates, click the events on the sidebar!

3/9 – Ukulele Love-In, Actual Cafe – Oakland – 7 p.m.

3/14 – Oakland Poetry Slam, Studio 361 – Oakland – 8 p.m.

3/17 -Peri’s – Fairfax – 9 p.m.

3/21 – UC Berkeley Memorial Glade – Berkeley – 3:30 p.m.

3/27 – Moe’s Alley, opening for Good Gravy and Neckbeard – Santa Cruz – 8 p.m.

5/17 – Connecticut Yankee, opening for Bryn Loosely and the Back Pages – San Francisco – 9 p.m.

I’ll be the feature at the renowned Berkeley Poetry Slam!

When: Wednesday, 2/20 – 8PM
Who: All ages till 10PM
How much?: $7
Where: The Starry Plough
3101 Shattuck Ave
Berkeley
(510) 841-2082
Website: http://www.starryploughpub.com

2/28 – 9 p.m. – 50 Mason Social House, San Francisco – co-bill with The Hangover Brigade, Face on Straight, Deborah Crooks

3/5 – 7 p.m. – Bazaar Cafe, San Francisco* – No Cover! - featuring Yonat Mayer and Kaila Love

3/12 – 7 p.m. – Bazaar Cafe, San Francisco* – No Cover! - featuring Patrick Ohslund and Kaila Love

3/15 – 7 p.m. - Aubergine, Sebastopol CA – $8 – Ukulele Night! co-bill with Mr. December, Jon Gonzales String Band, The Butterdishes, Kristen Pearce

3/19 – 7 p.m. – Bazaar Cafe, San Francisco* – No Cover! – featuring Clem & Them and Patrick Ohslund

3/26 – 7 p.m. – Bazaar Cafe, San Francisco* – No Cover! - featuring Bugs in Costumes

*I will be the artist-in-residency at the exceptional Bazaar Cafe in San Francisco for the month of March. Every Tuesday, I’ll feature two of my favorite musicians and/or poets, as well as all kinds of special guests. Oh, and did I mention there’s no cover? So come out and bring friends, because we would like to introduce you all to our tip jar. Come early for the tasty food, stay late(ish) for the shenanigans. The music begins Tuesdays at 7 sharp!